I am not going to start this post by saying parenting is challenging, children are going through a lot, and we have to be careful while dealing with them. Instead, let’s get straight to the point. Today let’s not talk about what to do. Let’s talk about what to avoid. Because that will make our parenting better. What are these four Cs in parenting that we should avoid? They are Criticism, comparison, competition, and control. These are powerful words. We all know that we should be using harsh words. But when we are upset, our state of mind overpowers our mature thinking.

What is the first sentence we utter when our child makes the same mistake repeatedly? Why don’t you get it? I told you so many times. A few other common sentences are you are so slow, get ready quickly. Here is another one. Look at your friend, s(he) is the same age. Learn something from them. Don’t act stubborn. And this You didn’t listen to me. I told you, you would not be able to do it.

These sentences may seem very simple, but they significantly impact our kids’ minds and personalities. Words have tremendous power. And in parenting, words can make a big difference. Words/sentences that we see as encouraging or telling children their mistakes or to make them a better person may not be encouraging for them. They get negatively imprinted in their mind.

Four Cs in Parenting

Let’s start with Criticism

If we repeatedly keep saying that you don’t get it, then children will think that they will not get it no matter how much they try. Since we have told them that they are slow, they will never run or bike fast. Please remember that your words are becoming a part of their identity. A disturbed childhood will never give them happy adulthood. Do we want our kids to have memories that will shape a not-so-great or a happy identity?

If we say something like you can do it. You are a good boy/girl; Mumma-papa is very proud of you. Or You are a smart boy/girl, let’s try again.

Now compare three sentences to the earlier ones. Aren’t these send a positive signal? Earlier ones were labeling the child, and these sentences gave them confidence.

Second is comparison

Comparison is a complete no-no in parenting. Even between siblings, we should never-ever compare. While we think that by giving other’s examples, we are suggesting someone as an inspiration, our child sees themselves as less worthy. Someone who cannot prove to their parents’ expectations. Imagine, if someone compares us to another person, don’t we feel embarrassed even though we have the maturity to understand the message behind the comparison? Then how can we think that children will take it positively? Even if they know that the other child is better than them, now that notion is fixed in their minds since we have also said the same thing.

Related article: Raising a mentally strong kid

Third C is competition

Competition is good but a healthy one. Competition does not mean always coming first or consistently scoring the highest marks. But competition also tells us that if we are improving each time. We imbibe the feeling of competition in our kids. When they come to us telling their grades, we ask them who has got the highest marks? Now, it seems a very simple question. Right? But by asking this, we are focusing on the person who has the highest. Here our child is the concerned person. If you think that your child has scored less than their preparation, sit and talk to them about what went wrong. Maybe a few minor changes in their study pattern may give them a better result.

Let them compete with themselves. Otherwise, when they grow up, they will continually evaluate their performance compared to others. We have to develop confidence in them that they can do it.

Fourth is Control

As a parent, we feel that control is our right. But we forge to balance between love and law.

When they are young, they come and tell us everything, and we accept them as it is. As our children grow old, they still tell us, but their values and thoughts are also developing now. They are having thinking of their own. They can take decisions. Not all of their decisions will be right. One such decision is following what friends are saying. For example, they tell us something that is not right as per our rules. We will get upset and may scold them. This will happen the second time and then again the third time. Now, our child decides not to tell us if it happens again. We think that they have stopped, but the truth is something different.

So, as parents, we have to keep the communication lines open. We have to control but control with love. We have to explain to them why it is not suitable for them.

Please understand that as a person, they are not bad. Their choices went wrong. You should be proud of them that it was their strong values (which you gave them) which made them share it with you the first, second, and third time. But seeing your reaction, they decided not to share it in the future. 

Wrap up of the four Cs in parenting

Instead of criticizing them and getting upset on them for what the ave done wrong, divert them and word your feeling toward what they should be like. Let’s try to avoid these four Cs in parenting and try to be better parents.