I have been thinking about what to write for letter N., But then my daughter came in and wanted to show me something. She was expecting my 100% attention. She wanted me to notice what she was doing. And while seeing her, I noticed her change of expressions. There I got it. N for Noticing. Well, I am not going to talk about why noticing is very important in parenting. But how, in this new normal, we have started to notice many things that we might have overlooked. It happens right that sometimes, we are not able to match up to kid’s pace. The speed at which they move on at school or the rate at which they learn new skills. Sometimes, it goes unnoticed by us. Or even if we notice, we forget to mention it to them. Does this happen to you?
Life fast forward. Its May 18, 2020. We are in the middle of the new normal. Parents have to face mood swings, anger, and other issues related to children. Nothing is going unnoticed. They are noticing us and vice-versa. Isn’t it surprising how quickly we adjust to the new circumstances? And as this series is decoding parenting in the light of new normal, I see a lot of positivity in this noticing part as well.
Today we are watching for changes in our children—trying to get to the root of what is going on and how to be there for them—noticing how they respond to correction or words of affirmation—figuring out their love language. Watching for their passions and helping them in finding options to polish them. All this is contributing a lot towards positive parenting. In the first post of this series, I mentioned that positive parenting not only means staying calm, acting patiently. But it also means trying to visualize the situation as per the circumstances. And current events have given us plenty of opportunities to go back to basics. We are starting from our basic habits to something that we have acquired over the past years.
Last week, while our regular chats, our daughter came up with an idea of having a family discussion time every night or if that is not possible, then at least once or twice a week. This will be more like a circle time for the entire family where we all can talk on general topics. Sometimes, kids are not able to connect the dots when parents talk about some relatives or old friends. Such unplanned talks give kids an excellent opportunity to know about other people that are a part of their extended family. Today, most of us live in a nuclear family, and kids do not know about extended family and friends. We all liked her idea, and yes. I noticed a spark on her face. That spark was of pride and happiness. When we are noticing our kid’s actions, they also do the same things. And it comes to us as a surprise when they mention that to us. Like the other day, I was doing some DIY with my little one, and I said something, my little one who is four said, “Aai tu agdi Aaban sarkha bolali.” (Mom, you said it exactly like grandpa). I never noticed that similarity in these years. And here my little one is pointing it out. And when did he noticed it? My parents visited us last summer when he three and later over our routine video calls.
Noticing them, or being noticed by them is a part of parenting. The more we notice each other’s traits, appreciate them, suggest some corrections in them, better it will be to understand each other. I am pretty sure that we are getting used to this new normal now that when things get normal, we would like to continue with our newly acquired habits. What is your say? Do you have any occasion when your kids have noticed something in you?
