Influence: don’t show them the entire staircase. Help them with the first step

When I was in college, I read Dale Carnegie’s book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. I loved reading it. In fact, I started to put the lessons into practice too. Those lessons were so fundamental, but we often forget them. After these many years, I still remember the lessons from the book.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Listen attentively.
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

Aren’t they sound basic? But do we follow them? We want others to treat us with due care, give us proper attention, even remember our last meeting but do we put all this into practice? We all want to influence others. We want to be noticed by others, to be heard, we want to be a leader and when we don’t get it then it makes us angry and upset.

 

A leadership role is the best example when we talk about influence. They are the face of their team. They have to influence people every now and then. I feel, the old notion that “Leaders are born” do not apply in today’s scenario. Today, leaders can be made. What does that person do different that makes him/her stand out? They are humans like us, but they know how to use the fundamental lessons that we talked about in the beginning wisely. They use encouragement, they don’t point out to the faults but praise improvement. They don’t dictate but they make the whole idea look like as if their team had worked on it.

 

Counseling is the other area which I feel is full of influences. Alike leaders, counselors also affect people’s lives to a great extent. People come to them to get answers to the questions they don’t have. Sometimes those questions are more of a dilemma and a confused state of mind. Sometimes it’s a memory, thoughts or incidences that keep bothering them. They are so confused that they want someone to show them the right path, hear their fear and insecurities.

 

Last week, I happened to listen to a podcast on how to know people better and influence them, how to make a difference in their lives. Sometimes, we feel a connection with someone and we truly want to help them but we don’t know from where to start. The very first point in the podcast was to know their fear, their expectations from life. When we know their fear and what they want from their life then only we can move forward. Sometimes, we claim ourselves to be somebody’s friend, but we have no idea about what they feel insecure about? Surprisingly, we don’t even know these things about our near and dear ones. So first try to find those. They may not want to disclose that to you which means they don’t feel you close enough. So, try to bridge this gap first and help them in making their lives beautiful, free of worries. Well, making it free from worries is not that easy but at least you have opened a door for them.

 

When we are trying to help someone, we should not forget our limits. Influencing others does not mean entering in their space. But it means to make your presence meaningful for them without irritating them. It means not to be an uninvited guest but to be welcomed by them. It means to show them what they can’t see.

 

So, if you truly want to help people around you, then don’t show them the whole staircase. Just help them with the first step.

 

‘I’m Writing Bravely for the Write Tribe Festival of Words – March 2019’

One Word Prompt: Influence