Recently, I completed Emotional Intelligence Life Coach certification. I have read a lot about this topic but I wanted to learn about the tools and techniques used in EI in a systematic manner. The course stressed a lot about living in present and changing our focus towards positive things etc. Personally, I have experienced the importance of living in the present moment and finding joy in everyday life. Let’s talk about that today.
Importance of the present moment for a peaceful life
We have a habit of replaying conversations in which we follow a pattern of excessive thinking, focusing on the details and seeking meaning or validation. The term for such a practice is rumination—a pattern of dwelling negatively on past events.
When we constantly think about past events, we become more anxious. We convince ourselves with several reasons for doing so, but unfortunately, it intensifies the negative feelings, self-doubt, and sometimes guilt. It also comes in our way to establish strong interpersonal relationships. We are so focused inwardly that we don’t notice the preset moment. Our present is what we can control. However, by shifting our focus to the present, we can regain a sense of control and optimism. We can overcome the adverse effects of rumination.
It is important to remember that nothing remains the same in our lives. It is a mix of ups and downs. We cannot change our circumstances every time, but we can change our perspective.
Related article: 6 micro habits that will change your life
Let’s see why we replay the past conversations and also find the solution?
1. We expect closure:
As humans, we seek closure. If anything remains unanswered or we are unsatisfied with how things have turned out, we feel unsettled and unresolved. By replaying past conversations, we think we are moving towards clarity but we are getting caught in a cyclic thought trap. What can we do then?
Be kind to yourself: No one knows you better than yourself. Know your triggers and control any extreme feelings and thoughts.
Challenge negative thoughts: Look for a positive for every negative thought. It may seem hard initially, but it is worth the effort and time.
2. Social approval:
We crave social connection and approval. For this, we revisit conversations, analyze/scrutinize them, and try to find clues for approval or disconnect. The solution to this is:
Have a gradual social challenge – To handle the fear of rejection, make the process gradual. Start by talking to a stranger. By stranger, I mean any new person who you see almost every other day but never had a conversation. Next step will be moving on to giving a presentation to a crowd. Let me make it simpler. From one person to a group of people (may be at a party or school events). Small successes and accomplishments will make you feel good and confident.
Track the pattern in your interactions, what triggers rumination, and what makes you feel better.
3. Sense of control:
Replaying conversation allows us to see it how we want. It tells us o my our side or the side we want to remember. It creates an illusion of control in us. The more we dwell on these conversations, the more we convince ourselves we have power over them. The truth is we cannot change our past. Therefore:
Focus on what we can control– The past is unchangeable. Our future is unknown. We can only control our present. Instead of draining ourselves, channeling our energies to make our present happy is a better option. This shift will make us feel more empowered.
Let go of overthinking – When I just started meditation, I followed guided meditation. It used to say that thoughts will come. Let them come. It’s totally normal. Consider them as bubbles and pop them. Incorporating mindful practices, journaling, and meditation will assist in observing thoughts without controlling or changing them.
Final words,
If you want to free yourself from repetitive rumination, follow these solutions. It will help you make your relationship strong and motivate you to embrace the present and face your life more confidently.
