Earlier, we talked about why we need boundaries in the first place. Just a recap of it, then boundaries are for our good. And to make the external boundaries strong, we need to make our internal boundaries clear and robust. It is good to be a crowd-pleaser but not on the cost of compromising with our self-respect of preferences. So, how to define boundaries?

We first need to understand that we are not creating a wall between us and the outside world by setting boundaries. Boundaries are required so that we do not lose our sanity with unnecessary interventions by uninvited guests. Creating healthy boundaries is empowering. Boundaries cannot be too rigid. They should give enough room for any relationship to grow, bloom, and flourish without letting others down.

Types of boundaries

• Physical: This refers to your personal space, your privacy, and your body. You might be comfortable with public displays of affection, or you might be someone who prefers not to be touched in public.
• Sexual: These are your expectations concerning intimacy. Sexual comments and touches might be uncomfortable for you. 
• Intellectual and Religion: These boundaries concern your thoughts and beliefs. Intellectual boundaries are not respected when someone disrespects another person’s ideas and opinions.
• Emotional: This refers to a person’s feelings. You might not feel comfortable sharing your feelings about everything with a friend or partner. Instead, you take time to open up.
• Financial: This one is all about money. If you like to save or to spend. You don’t have to give explanation about how you handle your finances.

Related article: Setting emotional boundaries in relationships

How to define boundaries

1. Identify and self-reflect:

Once you identify these boundaries, think about why they matter to you? What do they add up to your life, how do they affect your current well-being, personal and professional life, and emotional well-being. 

2. Start with small:

If you don’t have many boundaries, then take your time to evaluate and take baby steps. Don’t overanalyze things. Keep in mind that boundaries are not to put you under pressure. Instead, they are to take some pressure off your shoulders. 

3. Set them early:

Once you identified them, it is necessary not to wait for too long. Sometimes, setting up boundaries is tricky due to the pre-existing relationship. But the longer you wait, the more challenging it will get. So, once you have identified it, set it then and there.

4. Communicate:

How are the others going to understand the change of behavior you expect from them? So, communicate your expectations to them. Communication is critical in the world of boundaries, especially if someone consistently oversteps yours. You don’t have to be confrontational but be clear about your expectations.

5. Be consistent:

We often take it easy when it comes to our close friends or relatives. Boundaries can neither be too rigid nor too loose. They should be strong enough to make the other person know about them. And this is only possible when we are consistent about our words. Letting boundaries slide can lead to confusion and encourage new expectations and demands among those around you.

Handling the consequences:

It may come as a surprise to others when they see you talking openly, strictly about boundaries or your expectations from them. Not everyone will appreciate it or accept it. Does it mean that you have done anything wrong? Is that the end of your relationship? Will you ever be able to gain their trust? These questions are obvious to bother you. The answer to all these is no; you haven’t done anything wrong. But, you have shown a strong side of your personality. You stood for yourself. And now there is no looking back. What can you do to handle the consequences? 

Change your perspective:

Overthinking boundaries can affect our mental health. It is good to engage ourselves in something productive, getting in touch with positive people, have some alone time. All this will help you stay calm, de-clutter, and detox your mind.

When you understand how to set and maintain healthy boundaries, you can avoid the feelings of resentment, disappointment, and anger that build up when limits have been pushed. 

By recognizing the need to set and enforce limits, you protect your self-esteem, maintain self-respect, and enjoy healthy relationships. So start today, start now.

Good luck!!