We talked about raising an emotionally healthy teenager. Another term comes into the picture – mentally strong kid. While we are trying to raise emotionally healthy teenagers, it is crucial to teach them to be strong and face every situation with courage. As parents, we want to provide all kinds of comfort to them but by doing this, are we making them used to the comfort? Well, it is a tough call to make. We build a cozy nest for our kids. They start finding solace in their cocoon, but they begin to take this comfort for granted. And then even a slight discomfort can make them weak.

Statistics say that 18% of the population will have some mental illness after the age of 18, and that percentage is rapidly increasing, and the age is becoming younger and younger. Isn’t this alarming?

Let’s see what we can do to help them become someone who will stand firm in any situation. But first, make sure that you are clear that “mentally strong” does not mean they shouldn’t cry or show their emotions when hurt. It is not about becoming immune to hardship, and it’s not about suppressing your feelings. Mental strength is what helps kids bounce back from setbacks, and it gives them the strength to keep going.

7 pointers to help parents in raising a mentally strong kid

1. Don’t make them your center of attraction
2. Let them experience delayed gratification
3. Don’t allow fear to influence their choices
4. Seek their inputs but don’t give them equal decision-making power
5. Don’t run behind perfection
6. Don’t try to protect them from consequences
7. Let them answer negative self-talk

As a parent of a mentally strong kid,

Don’t make them your center of attraction

If you make your entire life revolve around your kids, they will grow up thinking everyone should cater to them. We want to treat our kids as princes and princesses, and to some extent, we provide them with many such facilities. We also go out of our way to help them. But with time, if they get way too much accustomed to those facilities or you going out of your way, then chances are they will lose their importance. To them, parents putting extra effort will not matter that much. They will get an indication that everything revolves around them.

Let them experience delayed gratification

This generation is fortunate to be born in the internet age. They know Amazon is their permanent Santa Clause. They have to name it, and it is there on Amazon. Sometimes kids themselves search for what they want and share its links with their parents. Nowadays, by God’d grace, the financial state allows us to fulfill their demands. Sometimes, we don’t even wait for any special occasion to get it for our kids. And that is one of the reasons why kids these days don’t understand delayed gratification. It is because they don’t get enough occasions to experience it.

When we were growing up, getting gifts for our birthdays was a big thing. But today, kids don’t have to wait for their birthday to get a new bike or new dress. The truth is nothing comes instantly in life. We have to work hard for it. When we earn what we want, the happiness we get is priceless. In hindi, there is a saying – sabra ka phal meeth hota hai – the fruit of patience is sweet. Today, this word is hard to find in our kid’s dictionary.

To some extent, parents are responsible for this. If their demand is genuinely important and cannot be delayed, then parents have to go for it. But just because they feel pressured or want to make their child happy, they shouldn’t accept every demand their child makes.

Related article: Teaching kids about delayed gratification

Don’t allow fear to influence their choices

We all are fearful. There is nothing wrong with talking about fear. Although keeping your kids inside a protective bubble will spare you a lot of anxiety. But can we predict the future? What if, despite being extra careful, something happens. How will they face it? Are they mentally ready to handle it?

Show your kids that the best way to conquer fear is to face those fears head-on, and you will raise courageous kids who are willing to step outside their comfort zones.

Seek their inputs but don’t give them equal decision-making power

Please don’t get me wrong. We want our kids to think independently. Please see it the other way –  when kids are in charge of making decisions, they feel proud of themselves. It is good to teach them decision-making skills, but we are trying to raise them as mentally strong kids. So make it clear that you have the knowledge and skills to be a good leader — a leader who listens to everyone — but ultimately makes the decisions based on wisdom and expertise.

Don’t run behind perfection

When we set a specific expectation bar and keep conveying it to them, it becomes a pressure for them. And anything below that bar is considered a failure. So whether you expect too much from your child on the sports field or your academic expectations are unreasonable, kids who feel they can’t succeed are likely to stop trying.

They are also more likely to struggle with self-esteem issues because they feel they aren’t good enough. So instead, we should teach them to have realistic goals. And use setbacks, failures as life lessons.

Don’t try to protect them consequecnes

What is the point of running behind the kids to reach their sports class on time or constantly nag your child to do their homework? Let them face the consequences. Sometimes the best thing is to get out of the way. Then, let them deal with the aftermath of their actions. I know it may seem like a mean act, but it helps in the long run.

Let them answer negative self-talk

We have experienced moments when our child goes through the self-doubt phase. And our immediate response is “don’t worry, you will do fine.”But just by saying this, our child is not going to change their thoughts immediately. Such time, practice “argue the opposite”. If they say, I am going to do bad at my Math test tomorrow. Ask them, what can you do to make it good? This is a simple exercise. Asking the opposite of what they say will break their negative pattern.

Check out this wonderful article about that one word that will flip your child’d negative self-talk. I am going to try it for sure.

Times are changing with a super-fast speed. The environment in which we grew up was very different from the present scenario. Our parents told us to be confident about our decisions because they would not be there with us all the time to guide us. But the time to make a decision independently came very late to us. Today’s kids have to develop this trait pretty early. And we have to support them in this process.