Apart from studies, there are a few other areas in which our kids need our involvement. They need emotional support from us. They don’t say it clearly but they expect the warmth and understanding from us. One such phase is being a pre-teenager. Pre-teen is that phase where your child is neither a kid any more not s(he) is an adult yet. Well, they want to be treated like an adult but still, they are not there yet. I would say it is a confusing state for them. They don’t know what’s going on with them. Sometimes they behave in a manner in which they are supposed to. They realize their mistake later but at that moment they are not able to have control over their emotions. In such moments, it is very obvious for us to lose our sanity. Afterall, we are also human beings with a certain amount of patience. If our kid repeats the same behavior then obviously, we will get mad. But there is one other side to our behavior or reaction. And that is it will increase the gap distance between you and your child. Yes, if your child sees your extreme reaction all the time or says even when they realize their mistake and start acting normal, which happens most of the times but you still hold on to your anger then it’s not going to help. It will create a distance between you and your child. So, what can you do to handle such tantrums?

 

 

You are dealing with a new version of your kiddo. One who used to come home with a happy face and all ready to give you a full-day report has suddenly become different. Now your kiddo doesn’t come home in that old state. And if you try to ask questions then you don’t get the same answers as before. Why? Because your kiddo is a pre-teen now. Yes. I know time flies. No matter how hard we try but we cannot stop them from growing. What we can do is joini them in their journey and giving them company to some extent. How? By becoming their friend wearing the parent shoe. I know it sounds challenging, confusing. I go through it on regular basis. My daughter is in her pre-teenager phase. So, yes. I totally get it how confusing and challenging it is. But I have made some changes in my handling style and it worked. So, let me share them with you all,

 

• Change the way you talk to them: Words are very powerful. Now you cannot ask your child “how was the school”, “did you finish your lunch?” For these questions, the answer will be “nothing new. Like always.” “yes. why?” we don’t want these answers. Right? Was lunch okay or was it warm enough? (if you have given your child’s favorite). You might feel the urge to solve every problem your pre-teenager mentions (or call their teachers or friends to deal with it directly), but for small problems, remember that they might be looking for a place to vent and the support to figure it out on their own. For a pre-teenager, discussing some problem or challenge is not about parent problem-solving; it’s about listening and support.

 

• Reserve some time for you and your child: If you can do it every day then great but sometimes it is not possible. In such a case, decide a day and make that time special by giving 100% attention without texting or checking your messages. You can make it a movie night too followed by some light talks. Believe it works great. I and my daughter have a movie night every Friday. Sometimes if she wants to discuss a few things with me so we talk about it before we start the movie. Both of us look forward to this time.

 

• Treat them like a responsible person and respect their views: They are not more little kids now. They take pride in suggesting something or presenting their views. The other day my daughter suggested something blogging related. I thought about it and said, well this sounds like a good idea to me. Let me talk to my other friends. Later I asked her a few more questions related to her suggestion. She explained to me everything happily. By treating them as responsible person, they feel happy and it satisfies their soul.

 

• Watch with them what they are watching: Kids at this age get influenced by their friends. They don’t want to feel left out when their friends start talking about some TV show. You will hear them talking about some new serial, series that they have just started to watch on Netflix. And you have no clues about it. Thats not good. You might not have paid attention to it when your child was telling you about it. Watch with them what they are watching. Sometimes “reserve the time” will come handy.

 

• Talk openly on topics they are curious: This is the age when they are going through many changes. They have many questions regarding their changing body, their looks, gender differences etc. They might talk about them quite openly and strongly. If they come to you with their questions then explain them in a language that will not be overwhelming for them. Remember, if you will not tell them, then that’s not going to end their curiosity. Rather it will increase it. So, coming all this information from a reliable source is always good. And who could that source better than you?

 

• Stay interested but don’t be judgemental: Your pre-teenager is going to surprise you with many things now. S(he) is learning many things, unfolding many new concepts. So, if they express their views and if they do not sync with yours then..don’t over-react. Listen to them. Remember treat them like a responsible person.

 

• Be careful while using your words: Ideally, this should be the first point but I am putting it at the end because all the above points boil down to how to communicate with them. Remember, when our kiddo starts to talk, how careful we are while talking and using words, reacting. The same way now is the time when once again you have to be careful while talking to them. Their self-esteem, self-respect, their ego is at a delicate state right now. If you are not happy with their behavior then instead of shouting, yelling think about talking to them once they are in a calm state. Talk to them in a neutral tone. It works. They will listen to what you are saying. They may not react or say “I am sorry” but they realize it.

 

• Don’t take things personally: Your preteen may act as if your guidance isn’t welcome or needed. It might be hard to swallow these changes, try not to take these personally. The best way to handle them is through balance: allow growing room by expanding boundaries, but continue to enforce important house rules and family values. But you don’t have to let go entirely. You’re still a powerful influence — it’s just that your preteen might be more responsive to the example you set rather than the instructions you give.

 

So, how are you feeling now after listening to all the above points?  I hope it wasn’t overwhelming. And even if it is then also it’s okay. Hang in there. Your child is just growing and soon this phase will pass. After a few years, you would be able to hold an adult to an adult talk with them. I am telling these lines to myself every day.