Tag Archives: USAdiaries

0

M: Mommy. For the mommy to find her outer circle, first, she has to come out of her inner circle

by Alpana, in category Musings
If fighting loneliness is one concern for any new comer staying abroad, then finding like-minded people is the second area of concern. Once we become a parent, our focus shifts towards our kids. In nuclear families, parents want their kids to be social. Now, in my case, I was living across the globe. After my daughter was born, one of my concerns was giving her company. Like India, we didn’t have many people to mingle with. We were a group of 3 families, and our daughter was the only baby among the three families. So, how to give her company and make some friends for me This is the question for many moms. By mom, I mean new moms and also the one whose kids were born in India, they did a little bit of schooling there and then they have shifted to the USA. Every day, I used to take her for walks, but as I mentioned in my previous post that we don’t see people outside their houses or in patio to exchange hello. Then what? I cannot wait for other moms to invite me. I had to do something from my side. Luckily, there was a couple in our community who had recently moved from Dallas,TX. They had one daughter. I met them at one of the community events. The seemed very friendly, and while I was talking to her, she opened up and mentioned some mommy group she is planning to start. But before that, she was going to arrange a mommy night out at our community club. “Did she read my mind?” She introduced me to a couple of other moms who were her friends from the Bible study group. I couldn’t attend the night out as my husband was traveling, and there was no one to look after my daughter. But I did send a letter to all my new friends. I used to make Kundan jewelry at that time as a past time. Luckily, I did make a small sale out if it too. In our mini conversation, I told her about my jewelry business (yes, that’s what she termed it as). She suggested me to set up a table on this night out. Since I couldn’t attend the event, so I decided to send a letter to the moms. They all felt so nice hearing that letter because they weren’t expecting me to send it to them. That small gesture gave me a few new mommy friends. Later we planned a few outdoor play dates for our kids. Every time my daughter wasn’t there as she used to go to preschool, but I got friends. This example was to tell all the new mommies that sometimes, we have to take the first step. Sometimes we have some assumptions. I agree that it is the case everywhere, but when we are living abroad, we restrict ourselves due to many reasons. Will they talk to me? Will they understand what I am talking (yes, I came across a couple of moms who have just moved from India, and they feel odd as they think that their accent is different). Also, every time looking for an Indian friend circle is not possible. There are many Indians, but initially, we have to be open to embracing diversity. Once you meet some like-minded moms, it won’t be a bad idea to plan for a potluck. Let them taste Indian food. Food is always the best way to connect. Let me give a couple more examples. Today, I am loving it to recollect all the old memories. When we were in Austin, once we had our neighbors over tea (they asked for Masala Chai) and I made Samosas. Another neighbor invited us to have lunch together on the condition that I will teach her how to cook Basmati Rice. A couple of months before, I had two friends over, and I made Palak Paneer and Chhole. She loved it and ate directly from the serving bowl. One other example is when we went out for lunch with an American family who wanted to go to an Indian restaurant. The cute part of this meet-up was her girls were dressed up in Chaiya Choli. If we want to come out of mommy and me zone and give our kids a social circle, then we have to come out of our shell first. Few places to find mommy friends are bus stops, libraries (storytime sessions), neighborhood parks, and social meet-up groups. Do you have other tricks to find new mom friends? I’m sure others would love to hear about them! I would like it too! I’m always on the hunt for new mom friends.

If fighting loneliness is one concern for any new comer staying abroad, then finding like-minded people is the second area of concern. Once we become a parent, our focus shifts towards our kids. In nuclear families, parents want their kids to be social. Now, in my case, I was living across the globe. After my… Read More