Is it appropriate to judge any mom and her smartness with the fact that whether she is stay at home or working mom? How sad…right? Why people waste their energy by being so over judgmental when it is not required? Everyone have their priorities and reasons for their choices. Whether it is a working mom(WM) or a SAHM, the bottom line is a ‘Mom is a Mom’. This conversation and the question that if you are a ‘stay at home mom – what do you do all day?’ shouldn’t be necessary. I was thinking to write on this topic on and off. Sometimes, I even felt that there is no point in writing it down. It’s something that people need to understand. One article or one post is not going to convince them or suddenly change their mindset. But, then few days ago I was at a party sitting with one of the invitees I met 15 minutes ago. After some initial talks came the first question…
( She: Do you work?
Me: No.
She: Wow! so you stay home?
Me: Yes, I said with a smile.
She: So, what do you do whole day?
Me: Frankly speaking, I neither liked this question nor the reason of answering it but then, I said I maintain a website.
She: Is it a lot of work? How do you spend your day?
Me: (I just gave her the answer right..that’s what I do..) Yes, it is a lot of work. And above all I enjoy writing and also that I am learning something new every day. I didn’t feel the need to give any more explanation to her question.)
- Definition of SAHM has changed: Today SAHM is not literally a Stay-at-home-mom. Gone are the days when primary responsibility of a SAHM was to take care of home, kids. Today, any SAHM is actively involved in different areas. She is a part of PTO, she volunteers, take care of her kids activities etc. I would rather call her a Home Maker.
- Stay at home working mom: This options gives any mom a good opportunity to fulfill her desires, by working (from home) and at the same time being at home. She has an office set-up at home. We should feel ourselves privileged to have access of various resources and means to fulfill our dreams. There are few areas which are still considered to be unconventional. Still the old notion of going out and working 9am-5pm means job. Many moms work-at-home to have the best of both worlds; time with the kids and the ability to have something fulfilling to do. We can term it as Working From Home Mom (WFHM). But it’s still a juggling act. She is home, but she can’t tell you how many times she has asked the kids to give her a minute so she can finish working.
- Reaching out people through social media: I have seen many moms who are remotely taking Skype lessons for Dance, Music. How cool…right? She is actually helping so many people out there who cannot attend the classes in person.
- Providing tons of information on various topics to many readers: Whenever we have any queries, we just hit the search button on internet with our query and there it is. Number of blogs, posts, articles are right in front of us. Who writes all those things? Many of the writers are the home makers. They are spending time in thinking and coming up with something useful for us. In a way, she is a researcher, thinker, writer and our friend.
While thinking about this topic, I was constantly going through one thought – The challenge isn’t so much whether you stay home or work, the challenge is competing with the traditional views of moms in a modern society. We all are born in a global era, but the thinking is more or less still the same… Since, this topic doesn’t have one answer so I would like to keep this post open for your thoughts and views. Feel free to share your opinion. Again, we all go through challenges, ups and down in our lives. Don’t judge others.
Hii Alpana….once again it has proved tht we both think quite similar 🙂
I totally agree wid u.
In fact i was also thinking to share my thoughts ( not on any blog but on fb ) .
N tht too after a similar conversation wid a relative abt this topic.
Btw ..good work done. Keep it up.
Thanks Shradha. I know, its sad that people want to get into too many unnecessary questions. There are many other good things to talk about. Bottom line is be happy and satified. Enjoy whatever you are doing. Thanks once again.
Hi Alpana ,
I can not tell you how many times I have been in situations such as the one you described above. Usually my standard reply which also happens to be the truth is ” I don’t want to work till both my kids are in middle school.” End of story !
The reason I was tempted to reply to your post is that here you have actually in detail tried to justify a women’s role as a stay at home mom renaming it as a’mom who is working from home’. Personally I do not think that a SAHM needs to have a part time job / hobby / activity to be a or feel like a useful and respected member of society.
Why should any mom let anyone define her identity by her choice of staying at home ? Is a mom who is staying at home any lesser in value or importance or rank than a mom who is working ?! Is she not as useful a member of society ? Are her contributions to her kids’ upbringing or her family’s welfare and happiness or to the society in general, in any way less important than a mom who is working ?
Judging the value of a mother on account of her work status is just plain ignorant and absurd and sad.
I as a ‘non working’ stay at home mom do not feel the need to justify my personal preferences choices and decisions by making a list of things I do while staying at home ….a list that will qualify me to be as productive and useful a member as my dear counterparts ! I will end with one of my fav. quotes..
“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s
inability to see you worth ” 🙂
Hello,
Thank you for reading the post and sharing your honest opinion on the topic. I like your answer “I don’t want to work till both my kids are in middle school”, and also your views that there is no need to give any explanation. I agree. But sometimes people want to know the details. Don’t know why? Personally, I feel that if anyone wants to share what they do being at home then there is no harm. You are not showcasing your talents/work (having any hobby or special skill is a blessing). You are just answering their question. But again it’s a personal choice. This post was not written to justify any SAHM’s role. It, actually, do not need any justification. When I say WFHM, I literally mean it and not just renaming it. Today, moms are taking this option willingly.
I am glad that you found this post worth reading and presenting your thoughts.BTW, loved the ending quote. Thanks once again.
loved it Alpana Deo…. really nic work.
Hello there, that was a very well written article on SAHMs and their problems. Although I am not a mother yet , but I am currently on a professional sabbatical, I have faced this question very often despite the fact that I have taken up studying and blogging. I have many SAHMs in my friend circle and I salute their daily struggle handling kids and home with so much
This is an interesting topic. I personally hate this question. Mom is a mom and always a working one. Doesn’t matter whether she earns money or saves money by staying home.
Also, it’s nice that you own a website or write articles as a personal hobby. But quite frankly a SAHM need not do anything just to feel guilt free. I think it’s absolutely fine for a mom to read books, watch TV, take long naps if she is being a loving and caring mom to her kids.
Hi Alpana, that’s sad state if affairs when women judge other women. I can completely resonate with you even though I am a WM. I feel WMs get judged too when we work overtime and people think we are too ambitious and if we give enough time to our kids. Bottom line is that some people just like to judge and some know not to. Like they say never judge a person’s journey if you haven’t walked a mile in their shoes.