My previous post on Sibling Talks was from my view point on how I see my past, present and future around this topic. I will not call today’s post as the part 2 of it but it is definitely another dimension that comes into picture when we talk about Sibling and that is single child dilemma on sibling talks.

 

 

Having two kids or having just one is a personal decision and nobody has to interfere in it. Reasons could be many for either of the choices. Kids who are the only child do not understand the complexities but there is a lot that goes on in their mind. Their understanding is not developed and they go by what they see around them. It is seen, kids when reaching an age where they understand the meaning of having a sibling or they hear their classmate talking about his/her new baby brother/sister then it is obvious for them to think about it. “Why don’t I have a sibling?” When they see their friends have someone to play with and on the other hand they always have to look for playdates with their friends then the desire of having a sibling gets even stronger. They come with so many questions and many times, it is hard for the parents to answer them. I have even heard and seen parents saying that since the elder one was asking so much for a baby brother/sister so we decided to go for a second one. But as I said, having a single child or going for a second one is a personal choice so let’s leave that discussion here. Having a child is a big responsibility and kids don’t understand many things. They are not aware of many scenarios.

I want to talk about the things we can tell them and make our and their life beautiful. So, let’s start with some basic questions first.

-When I am going to have a sibling?

-Why I don’t have a sibling?

-If my friend’s mom can have a new baby then, why can’t you?

-I get bored, whom should I play with? My friend plays with his/her brother/sister.

These can be some general questions that a single child can think. Their thought process is influenced by their friends to a great extent. They see many things through their friend’s eyes.

My daughter was a single child for almost 8 years. As per her understanding level, I have always talked openly to her whenever the topic of having a sibling came in the picture.

In fact, when I decided to write this post, I asked her now when she has a little brother how does she feel? She said, “Good. Now I have someone to play with.” Before having one, she hardly mentioned about not having a sibling or asked about when can she have one. Whenever we had a discussion about siblings, we always tried to explain to her that it’s okay to be a single child. Not everyone has a sibling. And she has cousins. Sometimes cousins are very close. We never said to her that they can take the place of a sibling but we told her that she can have a close bond with her cousin (my niece in her case). Also, we never said that by not having a sibling, she doesn’t have to share her stuff with anyone. Instead, we encouraged her desire to get things for her cousin every time she was getting something for herself.

If we further about this topic then there could be many angles to it like what could be some possible reasons of parents deciding for one child. Or What could be the right way and the right time to tell the child about them. For this post, I wanted to have positive touch. I can only say that just to postpone the discussion or avoid the discussion, parents should not say anything jokingly. For example, “are you ready to share your favorite toy with someone? Or mommy will not be able to spend time with you if a new baby comes.” Such sentences put a wrong notion in the child’s mind and if in case they happen to get a sibling later then it is hard for them to accept it whole-heartedly.

This post was requested by a reader who read the sibling post. When she suggested this topic, it took me a while to put together my thoughts. It was much hard to put it into words than how it sounds. I talked to few of my friends who have shared their thoughts on this topic. I hope I have done justice to my reader’s suggestion of writing on this topic.