As we hope for things to get better soon, our job as a parent never ends. We all hope to raise responsible kids. Kids who are obedient, sincere, and have fewer tantrums. But for that, first, we have to understand why kids behave irresponsibly. 

2020 passed by in a blink of an eye. It was an unusual year for all of us. I bid adieu to 2020 with a roundup post in which 13 bloggers shared their views about their takeaways from 2020. One point that was similar among all of them was gratitude and resilience.

This year has been a tough one on kids. They have never imagined that they will be finishing up their academic year virtually. I feel for the first-time school going kids. Their introduction to school is via Zoom or Google Meets, or Microsoft Teams. My little one will be entering Kindergarten this year. I genuinely hope that things should get better and he should be able to go to in-person school. Fingers crossed. Older kids have shown a great amount of maturity. I also have a teenage daughter. I have witnessed her being responsible for her studies, assignments, deadlines, and submissions. She is independent, but kids need our guidance even if they know how to handle things independently. 

As a parent, I feel pandemic has taught our kids many lessons. How would we have explained the meaning of resilience, or making the most of their time staying indoors, or motivated them to learn a new skill and then waiting for them to implement the suggestion? That’s why I said, pandemic taught them many things on its own. 

Getting back to the topic. Why do kids behave irresponsibly. Here are four reasons that I can state as a parent.

You don’t really need to teach kids to handle themselves responsibly in the world; you just need to teach them to believe in their decisions, and to relate to them so that they want to do so. 

Expectations

Why I pointed this out first? We, as parents, have many expectations from our kids. We can’t control that. Behavioral, academic, career goals and many more. We all want our kids to be obedient, sincere in his/her efforts, disciplined, respectable towards elders, score good grades, and have clarity about their future. Now, let us be practical here. Are we doing the right thing having these many expectations from our child at the same time? There might be certain odd days when they are not in their best mood, or they could not score good marks or, they are still not able to decide what they want to do in the future. When we expect too much from our kids, we raise the expectation bar so high that even a slight dip in their performance or reaction upsets us. It, in turn, affect our behavior towards them.

So, first, we have to lower our expectation bar. Talking about setting age-appropriate expectations, then children under five years are good at doing step-by-step tasks; children under ten years of age can do things independently but under adult supervision. Teenagers can do chores independently and can make their own decision. When parents supervise a little too much then, it results in irresponsible behavior.

Comparison

Comparison is a complete no-no in parenting. They can never be on the same page. Whatever the situation is, parents should never compare their kids with others. Not even with their siblings. Don’t think that by comparing, you are putting a good example for them, and they will feel motivated or peer pressure might bring the best out of them. No. It won’t happen. It will backfire. 

Parenting Style

What kind of parent are you? Do you like giving directions and expect your kids to follow those with very little room for their suggestions? Or you are one such parent who believes in leaving them on their own. You don’t give directions and let them take their call. Or you want them to make their own decisions but are not happy with those because they don’t align with your thoughts? Well, any one of these has similarities with your style, then wait, reflect on that first. Sometimes, kids behave irresponsibly because they have very less or sometimes no room to show their capabilities. Give them responsibility and then respect their decision. 

Stress

Once we have been invited to a first birthday party of our friend’s son. Otherwise, a happy and co-operative kid that day was giving a tough time to his mom means my friend. One of the experienced parents said, kids sense our anxiety and stress, and they behave accordingly. This is so true. When a first year old child can sense their parent’s stress, how come an older kid cannot? Children frequently react to stress by acting as if they are younger than they are. Family difficulties, trouble with friends, puberty issues, too many extracurricular activities, and school anxiety can trigger poor behavior. Find out what is troubling them. Especially during the pandemic time, children are going through a lot. Talking to them at regular intervals will let you know their feelings. And both of you will be on the same page. 

We all are responsible for our actions. The same applies to kids as well. But communication is essential. If you’re unhappy with your child’s behavior, pause and take a look at yourself before pointing the finger at your child. 

So, you don’t really need to teach kids to handle themselves responsibly in the world; you just need to teach them to believe in their decisions, and to relate to them so that they want to do so. 

The bottom line is that kids will be responsible to the degree that we support them to be.

This blog post is part of the blog challenge ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy and Noor Anand Chawla, and happily SPONSORED BY RRE Studios and SHOWCASE Events.