(This post was originally posted at parentous.com)

 

 

Let’s start today’s post with an example. With this example, this post “Learning the Art of Patience” will become much easier to understand.

You are working on your child’s homework and s(he) is practicing spelling.

“Mother, what does this say?” Your child holds up a book and tries to read words in it. One word seems quite difficult to pronounce. Once again your kid gives it a try. Then you try to help her/him in pronouncing it.

It says, “Encyclopedia”. Say it. Try.

Child tries to mimic what you have just pronounced. “En-clo-cy-de-pia”.

“No, pay attention. Encyclopedia.” Mom again tells the child.

There goes another trial, “En-clo-cy-de-pia”

Mother continues to pronounce the word continuously and each time unknowingly her voice gets louder. But the child still struggles to pronounce it correctly. End result of this session – mommy irritated and child sad.
If you have any one else who can help you or may be an elder at home say Grandparents, seeing this whole episode they might step in and try to solve your problem. There way will be different than yours. They might break the spelling into parts and then let the child try. “En-Cy-Clo-Pe-Dia”. Then may be joining two parts together. And there you go..your child has starts to say it correctly. Is starting fresh and breaking the spelling in parts is something that was missing earlier or something else? I would say, there is something more than that which got missed out over the period of time and it was ‘Patience’.

I am sure we all have gone (and go) through this kind of conversation. So, how to handle it? What should be our role as a parent-as a teacher?

With small kids, even a simple spelling could be a big project/ puzzle. Not able to get the spelling and pronounce it correctly irritates them as much as it irritates you when in spite of so many trials they are not saying it correctly. So, why not to apply the same waiting time concept? What do you say? I know it’s easier said than done. All of us try to be patient in such situations but when our limits are tested; we sometimes let impatience get the better of us.
Few days ago, I was reading an article on patience. While reading that, I thought of writing this post. Every now & then, we tell our kids to have patience. Whether it be getting a new toy or waiting in a queue, we ask them to stay calm. We give them so many examples when patience gives positive results. But when it comes to us, we forget the first requirement of parenting – Patience. We all know that patience is the foundation of parenting. Yes, lots and lots of patience. There is no limit to that. More the merrier.

“If you think being a parent requires limitless amount of patience. You are wrong. You need more than that.”
Now, just imagine when you are working on a puzzle (alone or with your child), and you are not able to put it right in place then what do you do? Do you break whatever you have just built or you take a break and try it after sometime? Waiting time doesn’t assure that you will get the results but at least now you will start with a fresh mind. Right?
When there is no point in losing patience, getting irritated and the problem still remains unsolved then why not to hold on to your patience, calm yourself down and then try it fresh. I have tried it many times and it works. Give your child some time, you take a breather yourself and then both of you get back to it. It works. It really does!!

Always remember,

“Children do not experience our intentions, no matter how heartfelt. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior. – Gordon Neufeld”