Getting married and coming across the world is not a joke. Whenever I meet any newly married expat or someone who has recently come to the USA, they usually complain about the lifestyle here. Recently, I came across a new resident in our complex who has been in the USA for 3-4 years. I was with my son in the play area.  During a casual conversation, we exchanged our interests and other things. She said, “There is no help here. Everything we have to do on our own. We don’t get any free time after finishing up house chores. How do you manage to find time for yourself and your writing with all the chores? I get so bored here. Nothing to do. No friends. I was working in India full-time but here, I have visa issues. I feel so depressed sometimes.”  I said “I have gotten used to of this lifestyle now.”  I tried to talk to her while I was in the play area but then it was time for me to come home. This wasn’t the first time, I came across such a discussion.

 

 

Every time, I meet expats and get to hear their thoughts, I recall my initial days in the USA. I too had a few days when I felt slightly bored as I didn’t have many friends at that time. But I never got depressed. If I think of the reasons then two main reasons come to my mind.

 

• Readiness: Before coming to the USA, I knew it will be slightly different (okay I admit challenging)  here. I gave myself enough time to adjust. Thanks to my better half who never pushed me to get molded in the so-called US lifestyle. Here, I am not talking about the dress code or eating habits. I was and still, Indian at heart in spite of living outside India for almost 12 years now. By readiness, I am talking about the change; the cultural shift I had to encounter and along with that the readiness to accept the reality of not able to work.

 

• A desire to keep myself occupied: It’s always the initial days (or say 6 months) that are the most challenging. If you can pass this phase then it is much easier later. I would definitely say, here my hobbies helped me a lot. We all have heard nothing goes in waste when you learn with positive spirits. I had learned to make imitation jewelry in India only because I wanted to learn something new. That learning gave me my first dollar bill here.:) I got my first customer who was interested in Indian jewelry and that gave me a good pastime. I learned many new things later and still, I am always in search of learning and experimenting with something new.

So these were the two main reasons that puts any expat in a tough situation. Other than that they are few more,

•  Let’s talk about friends now. If not getting enough help in household chores is one area expats struggle with, then “there is no one to talk to” is another challenging area they have to deal with. I agree, alike India here you will not get tons of people to talk to. There will not be a bunch of people ready for your welcome when you step abroad. But don’t you think that gives you a chance to step out of your comfort zone and meet new people? Look for groups where you can find like-minded friends. It will take time but it’s not impossible. Your areas of interest might be different but it’s okay.

 

Coming to the most important point:

• Let’s talk about career dreams, aspirations, job, money. Many of you must be thinking why am I talking about this is the end. Correct? I think when you are an expat then the first thing is to change the definition of happiness. Happiness is not only measured by whether you are following your career dreams or if you have enrolled in a Masters program and are looking forward to starting school. I had faced these questions like “why don’t you take GRE and get a Masters so that you can work here?” I had my own reasons for not taking that route.

 

My weak moments:

Yes, I too had many weak moments. I am also a human being after all. This expat also used to get hurt when people would ask her why you are not trying for jobs? or Why don’t you think about doing a masters? or What are your plans for the future? or Are you not planning to start working? You will get bored after some time etc. etc.

 

My take on this:

Initially, it used to affect me. I wanted some kind of job satisfaction (I guess). And that’s where I was wrong. For whom, I wanted that satisfaction? Maybe because people around me were asking me these questions. But when I started to do what I like and enjoy, the satisfaction I got was priceless. The happiness I experienced was precious.

 

So, to all expat wives, don’t think that a job is the only thing that will give you the satisfaction and happiness.  or If you don’t have a job then you are useless. Not at all. Use this time to learn new things. Don’t sit ideal. We all have hobbies – explore them. Utilize your time by keeping yourself busy. Change the definition of happiness. You have come across the globe so you are strong. Don’t let your positivity get affected by the three and six letter(s) word job, career. Embrace the culture and people around you with open heart.