Kids of every age go through some odd days when they are upset with their friends. Sometimes some close friend says something to them at school and they take those words very seriously. Conflicts in the opinion, conflicts in thoughts is something big for kids especially till a certain age. They don’t have the maturity to understand that these things have to be let go. Or should we say they want to et it go but they are able to. For some kid who is slightly more emotional or we can say, deep thinkers, such emotional moments become a big deal. They are quick to involve adults and call other kids names (“mean” is top of the list). As a parent, we can only tell them what to avoid but for them, it is not very easy as it sounds. They have to handle it every day. We all want our kids to become independent and handle such issues on their own but they too need guidance from elders. That is what we will talk about in this post. Nowadays, kids go through so much of pressure that if we also shut the doors to their problems, whom they will talk to?
Let’s see what we can do as a parent in helping kids resolve conflicts. I am not an expert in this. I am also a parent just like you who has to be ready with answers to my kid’s questions and guide them. I am sharing what I usually do when my daughter come home with a question or any disagreement with her friends. Please feel free to pour in your take on this topic – 6 tips to help kids in resolving conflicts.
- Listen to them: Yes, that’s the first thing I do. I listen to her patiently. Sometimes, I don’t understand her explanation after a certain point but I still listen. Now you will say what’s the point in listening when I am not understanding it? I may be wrong but I feel my not interrupting her, she opens up much easily. She needs a vent for her. I do ask questions when she is done talking. That way she knows she can talk to me without being judged.
- Don’t blame them: They might be wrong at times but not all the time. If we keep on blaming them for every thing , soon they will stop telling us things.
- Don’t direct them; guide them: There is a difference between guiding and directing. Always remember they have an individuality with certain ideas and way of thinking. By directing them, we are forcefully telling them to change themselves. If we explain to them what else could have been done then they will be easily convinced. They might not be in a mood to give it a thought that very moment but our words stay in their mind.
- Empower children to brainstorm solutions to their conflict: It’s so tempting as an all-knowing adult to generate solutions, but something the kids think up and agree upon on their own will more likely work. Encourage them to speak to each other (not you) and to speak honestly and kindly. Many problems can be resolved just by talking. Tell them sometimes friendly fights, conflicts, disagreements happen but that doesn’t mean its the end of their friendship.
- Talk to their friends if needed: Don’t hesitate in having a small friendly conversation with their friends. Sometimes kids are not able to handle everything on their own. They need our participation. But while talking to their friends don’t forget you are talking to the same age kids so be careful with your words.
We talked about listening to them, being there for them but the truth is we cannot be everywhere and every time available for them. This leads us to the last point,
- Teach kids to stand for themselves: Yes, it is very important. We don’t want our kids to be dependent on us for every problem. They should have the bond of coming and discussing their problems with us but we should not convey a message that we are always there to solve their problems. In the end, they have to stand for themselves. They should have that courage to speak up. They should not feel pressurized or scared to say what is right.
I feel, if we give a patient listening ear, an open door policy to discuss and trust that they will not be judged kids are more likely to start handling such issues wisely.
